What got you here won’t get you there (long version)

The Trouble With Success

Whenever someone experiences success in the workplace, they usually get a very positive feeling out of it, and this generally results in a net positive for the person. Their self-esteem goes up and they begin to have more confidence in their abilities

The paradox of success: These beliefs that carried us to initial success may be holding us back in our quest to go to the next level

The Twenty Habits That Hold You Back From The Top

Leaders commonly manifest 20 specific bad habits. Any one of them can contribute to creating a destructive, unhappy or adversarial workplace. However, leaders can easily correct these flaws with a slight tweak in behavior. Most leaders are guilty of only one or two of these faults:

1. “Winning too much” – The most common behavioral problem among successful people is the all-consuming need to win, even when winning doesn’t matter. This need is often the root of many other bad workplace habits such as arguing, tuning people out, taking credit for someone else’s idea or withholding information
2. “Adding too much value” – When someone comes to you with an idea and you immediately feel the need to improve it, you are guilty of adding too much value. This fault is common among experienced, successful people who feel that they are being told something they know or who believe that they already know a better way
3. “Passing judgment” – Offering an opinion in a business setting is okay. But asking people for their opinion and then making a comment about it is not okay. Nobody likes to be judged. The next time you get a suggestion, remain neutral and simply say, “Thank you”
4. “Making destructive comments” – Many successful people believe they are straight-shooters and pride themselves on their candor. But making critical comments or sarcastic remarks is never constructive. If you speak carelessly and thoughtlessly, the recipient will be hurt and will remember, even after you apologize. Comments that undermine someone are never instructive or funny; they only cause pain and humiliation
5. “Starting with ‘no,’ ‘but’ or ‘however’” – No matter how well intentioned you are, when you listen to an idea, suggestion or comment, and begin your reply with “no,” “but” or “however,” you are communicating that you know better
6. “Telling the world how smart you are” – Many leaders can’t resist letting everyone know just how smart they are. If you use phrases such as, “I already knew that,” you insult and alienate people, which is not very smart. Before you speak, ask yourself, “Is anything I might say worth saying?” If the answer is “no,” simply say, “Thank you”
7. “Speaking when angry” – The problem with losing your temper at work is that you also lose control. Some managers use anger as a tool, but this approach often backfires. If you get angry, you’ll gain a reputation for being volatile and unbalanced
8. “Negativity,” or “Let me explain why that won’t work” – Some people’s first response to any input is to point out that it won’t work and why. Such negativity may disguise itself as being helpful, but it is criticism wrapped in an “I know better” attitude. If your first response is always negative, people will become reluctant to present you with new ideas
9. “Withholding information” – In the chess game of power in the workplace, withholding information is a favorite, albeit devious, gambit. Rather than giving you an advantage, however, this power play only breeds mistrust
10. “Failing to give proper recognition” – If you want to foster resentment among your co-workers, this failing will do just that. People need to experience the emotional payoff of having their hard work, contribution and success acknowledged and appreciated
11. “Claiming credit that [you] don’t deserve” – The only thing worse than withholding recognition is claiming credit for someone else’s work. To avoid this workplace crime, just decide that the group’s achievement matters more than your individual achievement
12. “Making excuses” – Excuses are not acceptable. They come in two categories: “blunt and subtle.” A blunt excuse is, “Sorry I’m late; I got caught in traffic.” A subtle excuse is when you blame some inherent failing like, “I’m bad at returning phone calls.” Ask yourself why you have such failings, and then do something about them
13. “Clinging to the past” – This is an offshoot of the general tendency to place blame, and it stems from assigning the fault for mistakes to someone or some event that happened years ago. It reflects a lack of accountability
14. “Playing favorites” – Managers often say that they want to be challenged, but in reality, it is often the yes-men and -women who get in the boss’s good graces. When an employee gets the boss’s approval based on something other than performance, favoritism is often the cause
15. “Refusing to express regret” – Apologizing is very painful for many successful people, because they hate admitting that they were wrong. However, when you do apologize, you enable people to release ill feelings from the past and forge a new relationship in the future
16. “Not listening” – Not listening is a common problem. This rude habit sends many negative messages such as, “I don’t care enough to pay attention” or, “Stop wasting my valuable time.” Leaders are often guilty of this tendency because they feel they already know what someone is about to say or they are two steps ahead of the other person
17. “Failing to express gratitude” – Your automatic response to any suggestion should be, “Thank you.” Yet many successful people have difficulty uttering these two simple words. Many people wait for the perfect moment to express gratitude, or feel that showing gratitude will make them appear weak. However, “gratitude is a skill that we can never display too often”
18. “Punishing the messenger” – This is several bad habits rolled into one. Specifically, it is the fault of responding with anger when someone tells you something you don’t want to hear even if it might be very constructive. Again, the best response is, “Thank you”
19. “Passing the buck” – Exceptional leaders take responsibility, not only for themselves, but for the people who work for them. Not accepting blame is the flip side of taking credit for other people’s accomplishments. And, it is just as destructive
20. “An excessive need to be ‘me’” – Transforming a failing into a virtue is the result of feeling that the flaw is an essential part of your make-up. When you excuse negative or destructive behavior with this attitude, it keeps you from deciding to change

21 – “Goal obsession” happens when a particular goal becomes more important than your overall mission. While this is not a bad habit in and of itself, it can instigate many questionable practices. For example, this obsession can cause people to lose their manners, adopt less than honest work methods or take advantage of others

How We Can Change For The Better

Feedback Whenever feedback is given to you in any form, never respond by arguing about it. Instead, write it down and consider it later when your immediate flared passions are calmer. Thank the person for offering their opinion, put the advice aside for a while, and then look at it later with a cool head, and you’ll often find something specific you can improve on. If you want to be proactive about feedback, don’t be afraid to ask for it, but never argue about it

Apologizing If you realize that you have done something wrong, either very recently or in the past, apologize. Swallow a bit of pride, go up to the person, and just apologize for whatever it is. Likely, you’ll both feel better for it – you’ll lose at least some of the bad feeling and the other person will feel better too (almost always)

Telling the world, or advertising Now that you’ve apologized, what are you going to do to change? The next step is to define the changes you’re going to make and to let everyone know about them, especially the people you’ve apologized to. Apologies don’t mean anything if they’re not coupled with some effort to change

Listening When someone speaks to you, listen to them. Don’t interrupt them, and try to fully understand what they’re saying before formulating a response. This is always a strong tactic to use when someone is trying to talk to you. If you can’t fully describe and articulate the message someone is trying to deliver to you, your response is guaranteed to be less accurate and thorough than it could be if you listened to the message and to the messenger

Thanking Whenever someone does something beneficial for you, thank them. Just be sure to take the time to thank everyone who contributes to your success, both directly and in public opportunities when given the chance

Following up Once you’ve started to really work on these things and started eliminating the bad habits from your life, follow up on them. Wait a few months, then ask the person you’ve apologized to if things are still seeming okay and if you are doing well on your “advertised” plan of attack. Stay diligent yourself, and try to remind yourself often of your goals. Constant follow-up keeps you on task and on focus with anything in your life

Practicing “feedforward” At this point, you’re making real progress on your negative habits. Now, step back and ask for some future suggestions on where you should go with these changes. Ask someone who you’ve had experience with in the past for two specific things that you can do in the future to help with the behavior(s) you’re working on, listen, thank them, then work on implementing them. Much as feedback talks about the past, “feedforward” talks about the future