Getting to yes

Negotiators tend to lock themselves into their positions. The more they clarify their position and defend it, the more committed they are to it. Ego gets involved. The more extreme, the more drawn out the negotiation.
Separate the people from the problem. The participants should see themselves as working side by side, attacking the problem, not each other.
Generate a variety of possibilities for mutual gain before deciding what to do.
Insist that the result be based on some objective standard.
Seeing the situation as the other side sees it, is one of the most important skills a negotiator can possess.
Address the other side’s concerns, especially if you’re willing to say what they would like to hear.
Acknowledge their interests. People listen better if they feel that you understand them.
Invent options, don’t judge them. Invent first, decide later.
Never yield to pressure, only to principle.
“Being nice” isn’t the answer either.
Rather than making things difficult for the other side, you want to confront them with a choice that is as painless as possible.
Invent several options all equally acceptable to you and ask the other side which one they prefer.
The more you and the other side refer to established standards, to precedent or community practice, the greater your chance of producing a wise and fair agreement.
How would you feel walking into a job interview with no other job offers? Think how the talk about salary would go. What if you had two other job offers?
Never reveak your exact BATNA, but let them know if you have a strong alternative.
Consider the other side’s BATNA: The more you can learn about their alternatives, the better prepared you are for negotiations. If both sides have attractive BATNAs, the best outcome of the negotiation – for both parties – may well be not to reach agreement.
Instead of asking them to accept or reject an idea, ask them what’s wrong with it.
Don’t defend yourself when attacked. Listen to what they are saying and when they have finished, recast their attack on you as an attack on the problem.
Don’t blame them for your problem.
Recognize and understand emotions, theirs and yours.
Consider the role of identity, understand if their identity is threatened.
Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said.
Speak to be understood, talk to every side of the disagreement.
Speak about yourself, not about them. Don’t superimpose your impressions on them.
Build a working relationship. Knowing the other side personally really does help.
Problems in communication: Giving up on having a serious conversation, not hearing the other side, misinterpreting what is said.
Freed from the burden of unexpressed emotions, people will become more likely to work on the problem.